Monday, 10 June 2013

Dear Shae Alosius Montgomery Greenfield

So you are starting a new job. How exciting! We are all beside ourselves with anticipation. I assume you were up half the night wondering what to wear. Fortunately you need not spend time worrying about what to do with your hair. In an effort to assist a few thoughts:

1. Do ensure you are up on current events. For example - I hear the Maple Leafs are out of the play-offs. That was sad. Or, how about those senators? (And by that I don't mean the hockey team - I mean the other disgraced ones in Ottawa)

2. Be punctual! I assume in Toronto this means rising at 330 am for an 830 start.

3. Don't start an office pool on which of your bosses will end up in a grainy video akin to Rob Ford. At least not in the first week. Week two would be acceptable.

4. Smile at everyone. Even the ones in the office who look shifty. They may look that way not because they are deranged but because their cat passed away.

5. Polish your griddle! They were very keen on the pancake-making Shae during the reference check and one assumes they'll now be expecting this...likely not on your first day. Phew!

6. Ensure when you bosses pass by your desk your computer screen saver is something lofty and highbrow - so they know you mean business. Save your monster trucks and Kardashian updates for home.

Best of Jewish luck!

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