Saturday, 12 October 2013
My Name is Michelle and I am Addicted to Househunters
HGTV is a scourge and a menace. Otherwise known as the Home and Garden channel - at least six times a day we are treated to Househunters - a show where couples (a significant proportion with seemingly sketchy employment and champagne dreams) dutifully pick apart three potential abodes before grudgingly selecting their dream home. Any one of them could be a poster child for the sub-prime mortgage collapse south of the border and often you are left wondering who the ninny was that approved their financing. According to our realtor, this show and others like it should prepare us for the disdain and general unhappiness of the new crop of potential buyers that may stumble through our door. Apparently I am not alone in my obsession with this show and now will have to face an assembly line of similar sour-pusses who after years of absorbing these miserable tours of the dissatisfied and the rock-bottom prices in the suburbs of Atlanta (where apparently 200 thousand buys you an over 28 hundred square foot mansion - that our buyers invariably complain is "too tight") will be poo-pooing any inkling of compromise and busily subtracting their granite counter-tops and stainless steel appliances from the purchase price. Househunters buyers invariably sneer at the size of walk-in closets larger than our home - have wish-lists that include "man-caves" and of course the popular "crafting room" and roll their eyes at anything less than a three-car garage. On a recent show, houses were dismissed on the basis the toilets weren't elongated enough..."too round". These are the terminally dissatisfied people who will invariably sniff at our offering, despite all of the de-cluttering, the scouring, the fix-ups - they want it all at bargain basement prices. After dutifully scrubbing inside every one of our kitchen cabinets I found a minute sliver of wood when I opened an empty drawer a day later and almost had heart failure. One must gird one's loins at the prospect of it all - the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune hunting - and the tribes of chronic dreamers who we need to convince that the house we love is worthy enough to call home.