Monday, 14 October 2013

Seeing the Finish Line

All the items on the list have been dutifully crossed off, one by painful one, and now just the last minute touches remain before we call this house done and the sale sign erected. Every single member of my family is wasted by the effort, particularly my Dad and Mom and it is hard for me to watch how much they want to take this away from me...all of the stress and the jobs that I don't have the energy for. They are not young and it seems so wrong - twisted around - to be this helpless. I can't say thank-you often enough - can't manage to convey what it means to me and at the same time can't bear a single second of it...watching everyone around me - my sister, her husband - well past exhaustion doing the tasks that I couldn't finish or couldn't even begin. Don't get me wrong, I have done an incredible amount of work myself  before I hit a wall - and my body said enough. It hits me over and over again - a rock-hard slap - what this really means. That my sense of urgency, my desperation to have this finished - is to try and spare Kirk the monumental task of figuring this out on his own. That may sound condescending - a suggestion that he would be incapable of sorting it - which is obviously far from the truth. He has worked incredibly hard - probably harder than anyone - in this process. But I guess I feel I know him so well that he would be too proud to ask for the things I have at least been able to contribute to in some small and large ways now - and that I know my family would willingly do - without hesitation - if he were able to bring himself to call on them. So we don't have time to waste...we are getting it done together and we all understand why it is necessary - why now is the time. It is a surrender - a waving white flag to what we have accepted - what we know will come. We all see the finish line clearly - we just don't know when it will be crossed.

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