Thursday, 22 August 2013
A Risk Too Far?
I had a unique experience yesterday, when I went for the third appointment to deal with my twisted back. I don't quite know how to say this, but I got the distinct impression that the physiotherapist would prefer I not come back. He didn't say it outright to be fair, but it was the way he emphasized it would be okay for me to cancel my next appoinment that left me with that feeling. I gather for liability purposes, treating someone like me is a bit daunting as my bones are quite frail and of course the pain in my kidneys likely makes it difficult to treat. Right now it is almost back to alignment and I can stand upright - which was an impossibility on the weekend - so that is good. But this experience has made me think about closing windows and perhaps the prospect that some professionals will be uncomfortable in helping me as this progresses and then where will I be? I am trying to faithfully do the exercises he left me with but in an ironic twist to all of this - disturbing the muscles releases creatinine - which makes my kidneys worse. I know if I really needed it my doctors would do their best to help - but there was something quite humiliating about that moment. Made me think about the concept of dignity and how much you lose when you are at the mercy of other people to help you - something I still find very hard to embrace or accept. I know these are all experiences and lessons that on some level I need to learn - and I have empathy for the therapist who I'm sure didn't want to cause me harm. 'Healing' or what passes for it, is a complicated affair and right now I just have to breathe deep and hope it is not too soon before I find myself looking for those particular helping hands.