Buyer Beware!

So the new triathlete suit (aka bathing suit) arrived today. Huzzah! Concealed in a Purolator envelope, I excitedly ripped open the wrapping to find a black, hot pink and white nylon piece of fabric with a zipper in the front. How stylish! How flattering it was sure to be. We (by 'we' I mean me and my new suit) hurried upstairs to try it on. That was twenty minutes ago - which is precisely how long it took me to squeeze into it. If I did not already have organ damage, I can assure you, I have now. The fact I was laughing so hard didn't help. I do not know what kind of stick insect it was meant to house, but I can assure you it was not me. So my dreams of deep water are on temporary hold while I contemplate another option. Perhaps a tent with arm holes.