Sabotage

There are times I think there are things I just shouldn't share as it doesn't exactly cast me in a favourable light, but it is all part of the human experience so onward I go. Yesterday, in an effort to get out of the house, decided to take a quick trip to the store. Suffice it to say the driveway was wet and my stupid foot shot out from under me, ankle bashed car on the way down, scraped a large patch on my arm and worst, I landed on my hip bone - where I have a growing welt and have wrenched the same twisted part of my back that was trying to heal. When it happened I just laid there like an idiot on the pavement in the driveway in shock before hobbling up and back to the house. I then confess I cried like a baby a) because it hurt like hell and b) because I had been walking around so gingerly all week, trying so hard to be okay and c) I am supposed to be leaving tomorrow morning for my first weekend out of town since well before my diagnosis. I am beyond questioning why these things are happening when I was trying so hard to stay on track. You see the last time we had planned such a weekend getaway, was two days before I landed in the hospital and had to cancel everything. So I was determined nothing would mar this and there is nothing left now but to try and have faith that I can push through. Was it self-sabotage or just a klutzy moment that could happen to anyone? It doesn't really matter now...it has happened and I have about 24 hours to try and get past this. More than anything I feel bad for Kirk, who needed a drama-free escape as much or more than I do and all of my apologies can't take away the fact the we have added a little un-welcome weight to our shoulders at a time when we really could do without it. I think as tests go, this is a painful one but it is surprising what we are learning to endure to find some kind of peace.