Tipping the Scales

There are times in a relationship when the balance tips - when a certain dependence creeps in, the ground shifts and new roles have to be forged. Every petty frustration or resentment you've experienced in the context of sharing your life with someone pales in comparison to this new emotional territory. When you are accustomed to grabbing the reins, giving up the power to steer - the blessing or curse of control - is a painstaking process. When you are not responsible, you lose the right to criticize - or so the sentiment goes - but in practice this is not so easy to achieve. I know that sometimes it feels like you should just wander off like a wounded animal, curl up into a ball and let the herd carry on without you. These are the places my mind goes when I am brutally honest - days when the business of not carrying the load becomes too big a weight to bear and the apologies for this fact seem hollow. Then a good day comes when it is almost possible to believe this chasm does not exist - that you can feel your own power and a glimpse of what you had shines through. An imperfect picture but preferable to this new normal seeping in...this limping gait that I just can't get the hang of.