Thursday, 13 March 2014
The Greatest Gifts
Feels like a time to focus on where I am - watching this failing body and assessing what I have learned. As I said to Kirk tonight that over these rocky times, as vanity and humility fall away...lies a deeper strength and resilience than I would have ever imagined. Something as close to self- acceptance as I have ever felt - and like the Grinch - a heart that grows bigger and bigger - and in turns invites more love back than I have ever hoped or dreamed I could experience so fully. This year of ups and downs, precious connections and shared moments with a community of people - old friends and new - that I would never have imagined. And it is the depth and sincerity of these interactions that overwhelm me - help me withstand the painful moments and give me the power to adapt as my body changes...as new thresholds of need come and go. And then there is amazing transformation with my family - learning new ways to communicate and watching them literally drop everything to be there for me - to jump in without the need to ask and get me what I need when I am incapable of reaching out on my own. Seeing the dynamic of love and support grow ever deeper with Kirk as if his own confidence level has risen by leaps and bounds as he adapts to our new reality - stepping up in ways I likely made it very difficult to do in the past with my controlling nature. This journey has changed all of us - in so many powerful ways - breaking old patterns and finding new levels of acceptance and love. So experiencing all of this - the support of my care providers - could not have been a greater gift...and truly has brought me to a place where the fear and trepidation about where this is taking me dissipates more each day. I feel ready in a way I haven't felt to date - entirely attributable to the exchanges of love and care that I experience every day from so many lovely people who have crossed my path. Nothing is the same and I truly wouldn't have it any other way.