Sunday, 15 December 2013

Oh Mercy, Mercy Me

It is amazing how much one begins to appreciate small improvements. Just over a week since I started receiving visits from wonderful home care nurses from the local health authority's Palliative-Care-At-Home program, some new medications - and while I still am very aware of where I am - feeling some relief from some of the debilitating effects has allowed me some small bursts of activity that I just didn't have the heart for - and frankly thought had passed me by. The connection between the physical and emotional is so powerful - and feeling even small parts of the day I can bring myself to be present - to breathe deeply - make me giddy with happiness.
Everything is in place for our move - and it feels like I can get there now - feel like it is possible that I will experience the new place. How long is not a question I need to waste time contemplating - but getting there is a powerful motivator - it pushes me forward - a momentum with its own breath - own life.
It has all fallen into place so readily - that one feels the power of something divine - a few missteps but overall every element - down to the parking spot that appeared directly at the door of the lawyer's office when we signed the final papers on a busy Friday afternoon. Everything a sign - a portent of a light shining all around this process - understanding a different experience might be more than we can take - and so it just is the way we need it to be - the way it should be now. I embrace it - feel myself passing to yet another stage of all this - something that feels more like acceptance - more like I am ready - not fighting what is coming with quite the same amount of fear. Able to feel the love that just keeps coming to me from near and far...telling me it is going to be okay - I am strong enough for this - I am still here.

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