Friday, 8 November 2013
There are things about my current state that you just have to laugh at some days, as it beats the alternative. I have done my fair share of moaning about appearances and the toll my health care woes have taken on this outward shell that houses my soul. The dark circles under my eyes, skin colour that the word "sallow" doesn't do justice to - and no matter what I do - this is just the way it is right now. For a while I wouldn't make much of an effort - thinking what would be the point? Most days only the dogs (and Kirk!) spend any time looking at me - and they are used to this face regardless of how it might appear to others. But lately - and because I've actually had to 'face' the world for meetings and such - I have tried to literally put on a happy one. This is a painful process that actually requires a mirror. I was never particularly talented in this regard - but clowns have it easy compared to this. I can smile at this - because sometimes when I catch a glance in the outside world I realize I am not stopping traffic - so it must not be all bad or perhaps the strangers I pass have incredible self-control. So as updates go this is not all that meaningful and yet some days it seems like it is - when perspective has flown away and my own face bites me back.