Time to Step Away...

If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all - an adage passed on by my mom that I wished I had adhered to more closely throughout the course of my life. I think of this after another day where agitation got the best of me - an afternoon spent pacing aimlessly with no place to find comfort - desperate - talking to the home care nurse and my family doctor - ingesting anything I could to make it stop and finally giving myself a shot before passing out around 4pm and waking up in a daze at 630 this morning. There are more of these bad days now - a new plan - new medication which is on its way - but wondering - always searching - for the meaning behind this - for the sign I just can't make out from my current vantage point. It all seems too repetitive now - like a story that should have come to an end with the work of a strong editor. So it is time for a break - for some time to absorb that change has come - to thank those who have responded publicly and privately to this story and to do what is necessary now to prepare for what is to come.