Monday, 13 January 2014

Let's Make Believe

Some days, in between injections and pills and symptom searching - one must just turn one's back on all things that resemble the world "palliative" - throw your hands in the air, suspend reality and shop with your sister - wander stores as if you just didn't turn your back on all things material - and pretend for a moment that you are back where you were before with nothing but time stretching before you and find genuine interest in what cute shoes might be displayed in a store window. Ignore any clues that things might be less than sunny - force yourself out of your pyjamas and re-enter society as if nothing has changed - a tornado hasn't whipped through your mind, body and soul - hug your sister as if you have endless days to repeat this pattern - a day that could be repeated a year from now - ten years from now...infinite togetherness (where schedules permit). A pretence we can both happily indulge in - though careful that it not be "too much" - drinking in the moment as greedily as that first glass of wine I recall after a miserable day in the 'before' time. Who knew how much we really love one another? I suppose I thought I did - but now I have irrefutable evidence there is nothing she would not do for me, give to me, sacrifice for me - what one might assume to be true is as real as her hand reaching out to hold mine - catching me when I was too weak to stand - saying with her beautiful blue eyes everything I ever wanted to hear her say - longed for her to say. My "K" - my love.