Every part of this journey has a flavour - a tone. Times when reaching out is desirable/achievable - then times when it is necessary to retreat. Times when the body shouts and others where it merely murmurs. Times when the mind overcomes the physical and times when it is un-done by it all. Times when the gravity of this comes back to me in the form of my monthly blood-work reports - the follow-up calls - the underlying knowledge that this roller-coaster ride continues with dips and turns - ridden blind with only the wrenching of this piece or that to tell you where you are.
As the weight lifts from my shoulders of all of the self-imposed activity of recent months - and Kirk generously picks up an ever more heavy load - we are finding our way to a new equilibrium - more aligned than we have been on this path before. This renewed connection - realignment - was necessary for both of us - allowing me little by little to do what I need to do to let go. I am depleted it is true - but more at peace now - mind not racing - just soaking in the moments of the day deliberately when I can. Feeling calm - feeling the connection of my family ever closer - ever more in tune with where I am - feeling deeply loved. Rolling in it - gently, with purpose and intention. Closing out the other noise - my hands looser now on the bars of this ride...just going.