Friday, 24 January 2014

There is No "I" in Team

For the people who stand in the circle closest to me - the evolution of my illness in recent months has meant navigating unchartered waters. The question of who is doing what and when, where it comes to my growing dependence - is sometimes- in these early days - confounded by actions that mis-fire and ping off misinterpretation. The fact is while I feel pretty confident in what to expect in my relationships with each of them as individuals - it doesn't necessarily translate to the kind of relationships they now have to forge with one another in this new context. While they are obviously not strangers to one another - neither have they ever shared much more than what was communicated through me. So stopping that pattern and watching them flounder through it - from my perch not fully on the side-line - is just one of the new challenges that comes with this territory and to their credit they have more than risen to the occasion - treating me and one another with incredible generosity and caring. And I have my own culpability in all of this, having not done a better job of fostering that feeling of a family united over the years. So while absorbing their own unique reaction to being witness to this passing - they have these new responsibilities and boundaries to add to their plate. The end result is just deeper love - a different kind of tenderness recognizing our own unique quirks and sensibilities. The times in your life when you truly feel what it is like to depend on the kindness of people who are not strangers - who feel an obligation to you that is easy to take for granted - just represent new opportunities to learn and try to quell an ingrained quest for control to allow "the team" to do their work and quiet my urge to intervene. We are getting better each day - finding our balance - acknowledging where tweaks are necessary - feeling the gift that this represents - the time we have been granted to share together.

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