One affirming visit from my lovely home nurse Joan, a check-in from my amazing family doctor (note it was a Saturday!!!) and I am back on track with my medication - and feeling so much better than I have the past few days. A lovely catch-up nap and a home-made dinner I had the energy to make myself in our lovely new kitchen.
Over the past few days of course the story had taken a turn - so violent that I truly wondered if I would make it here - whether the time had come for me to go to hospice. Held my sisters hand at the worst moments and said maybe my body was trying to tell me that this is the end while the tears dripped from our eyes.
But as the ever wise nurse Joan reminded me today - for patients like me, the roller-coaster may go up and down and a couple of days on the down slope is not necessarily an affirmation that ascension is not possible. Words that this morning I truly needed to hear.
So I could stop exclaiming how happy I am at this moment but I can't help myself - these days are a treasure - a precious gift - moments that I savour with every fibre of my being. Knowing what the alternative has felt like only makes this day sweeter. What counts as the best of days is shifting as this journey rolls along - right now two wee dogs recline on either side of me - counting rabbits in their dreams. We are in a space we all adore - we are comfortable and feel not a ping of sorrow at what we have left behind. Ready to build whatever memories time allows us...in a space that feels exactly like home - our sweet wee oasis that on so many levels was meant to be. So carry me up, Mr Roller-Coaster - strap me in - let's go.
Michelle!
ReplyDeleteI cant tell you how happy I was this morning to (after quite awhile in checking in on you) see your blog posts. I've been riding my own rollercoaster lately, and I too have decided to take a turn going up on Mr. Roller-Coaster. Here is to us, with our hands in the air, wind in our face, and the peace of knowing that we are never on this ride alone.
Much love,
bess
Indeed Bess! Much love to you sweetness...
DeleteThis post makes me so happy. That is all.
ReplyDeleteOh Lisa...xoxoxo
DeleteMichelle....there is lots to be said about your bravery. My dad was so brave before he died. In the days after he told me he only had two months to live he would look across the room and give me winks and smiles....only to make me feel better. He was alot like you in that he cared more about the people around him than the news/diagnosis he had just received. He would tell us all -- he wasnt scared to go and there is alot of comfort in his bravery even two years later. Keep writing for all of us....we hold on to your every word and we feel your ups and downs. I am glad you are feeling better -- you are amazing! Beck
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing my sweet Beck and a constant source of comfort! Xoxo my abiding, lovely girl...
DeleteI desperately needed something to smile about today and couldn't have wished for a better post than this to make my heart happy. I'm so thankful you're feeling better Michelle, and that the four of you have some time to revel in your new home. xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh Andrea...still thinking about your loss...must be a very hard day...I am grateful if I could make you smile - even for a moment...xo
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