Google is Not My Friend

I am coming to dread seeing a certain number pop up on my blackberry. It is the number of my specialist's office and it generally comes in the days after my latest bloodwork. Today's concern is my elevated calcium and phosphorus levels and a request that I stop one of my current medications to see if it helps. Being me, I can't stop myself from turning to Google to see what the Internet has to say about "elevated calcium levels in patients with end stage renal disease". Big mistake. Article I zero in on informs me of the highly elevated risk of death in patients with this issue. Of course I don't bother with the details...all I need is the first few lines to let my imagination go wild and convince myself I should have completed my advance care plan that I have been putting off, last week. There was a time when seeking this information might mean a trip to the library and hours in the reference section. Not so now, when one has instant access to information that makes you crazy, no car trip required. I know I shouldn't do it - nothing about these explorations makes me feel better. But like a car accident, I can't look away.