Friday, 17 May 2013
When the Genie has Left the Bottle
So it is the day after my disclosure - and here another slice of truth. Several reporters have contacted me and kindly offered to "tell my story". I honestly did not contemplate this response - though as a former reporter and communications person - I perhaps should not be surprised. I have responded that for now I need to let my written words speak for me as I am simply too shaken to contemplate exposing myself any more than I already have (which I know is a lot!) They were incredibly kind and understanding which I appreciate more than they know. I may feel differently someday - but it was never my intent to malign the system or the professionals who work to support those with eating disorders every day - as the bulk of my interactions were long ago. Nor to draw attention to myself or be a poster child for the afflicted - though my compassion for anyone living with this knows no bounds. And before letting myself off the hook, I will share with you that my very first thought when TV was mentioned was that I wasn't thin enough - and maybe I should lose a few pounds - consider that an insight into the way this disease works. (And if you don't think that is legitimate - I remember reviewing a news story about an eating disorder patient when I worked in the Ministry of Health and the response of several of my colleagues to the patient profiled was "she doesn't look that sick" - and sadly I suspect I agreed - implying that had her bones been protruding through her clothes she would have earned our sympathy.) After decades trying to keep this secret - I need some time to sort out how I go forward. For now I continue to be grateful for everyone who has been in touch.