Thursday, 16 May 2013

This is a love letter... everyone - friends, family and those I have not met - who reached out to me today to send their support, their love or reassurance about my decision to share my story. As I have said, every word you wrote helped take a bit of the shame away and for that I am eternally grateful. But more than this, to the many people who wrote privately to share their own pain and struggles with eating disorders or the struggles of someone they love - I thank you for the gift of your honesty and your generosity in disclosing such personal anguish. For as much as I have struggled, for my family and the people who are close to me, this journey has cost them dearly - in so many ways. Many have described me today as "brave" and I have to say that is the last word I would use to describe myself...for it was cowardice, fear of facing the world in my own skin and incredible self-loathing that brought me here. More than anything, I am a cautionary tale - the embodiment of the real consequences of this abuse and how the weight of your own secrets can slowly drain the life out of your body. Perhaps it is the looming presence of my mortality that filled me with a sense of urgency not to let this pass without confession or maybe just a way of helping you to understand what my family in particular, has had to contend with. If I could spare them just a minute of this, erase every fear, false hope and disappointment, I would in a heartbeat. With love...


  1. My 'Chelle - my brave, beautiful, brilliant sister - once again, you leave me in awe. Yes, you do have courage.

    We have not always had it easy - you know how much our whole family likes to be in control and "make it better" - and watching the pain of someone we love is the most helpless feeling in the world. We don't do helpless well. But through it all there has been fierce love, and I have come to believe that even if we cannot spare someone heartache or fix things for the other, love remains the most important, the most connecting thing. I am honoured and profoundly grateful to have you in my life - the good and the not-so-good of it - and I thank you for what you have brought to it. I always wish I could have done more for you; I just hope you know how much you mean to me - always have and always will.